The hardest task
by WildWyvern
Summary: erm... saying anything would giv it away... parental Roy/Ed... mild cussing... suicide atempt... character death ... yeah, sorry my summarys suck!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi i got another... i dunno the ending is really open... i might do a sequel...or add another chapter later... anyway plaese let me know, this is parental Roy Ed but i am working on a Yaoi... they are so cute together.**

**oh and no ownership of FMA or anthing like that belongs to me... though i do have an Edo plushie!**

What was the point in anything anymore? Colonel Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist, Hero of Ishbal, none of that mattered to him anymore, he had lost too much, and going on just was not an option for him, there was too much pain. Anyway why did so many good people get hurt and die, while he, who had killed so many, and done such terrible things should go on living, unharmed physically, and get further in life?

Roy took a last large gulp of the fire whisky he had been drinking and picked up the gun, last time he was too weak, last time he still had his best friend to pull him kicking and screaming back to the world of the living, last time he still had a flicker of hope. The last time he had tried this, he was chickening out trying to save his sanity that he did not deserve, this time, this time it was punishment, and he would not back down for anything. He thought that as he positioned the barrel of the gun to his head. A twitch of his finger and it would all end, and nothing was going to stop it, nothing could.

BANG!

Roy was staring bewildered at the top of a blond head, an automail hand having deflected the bullet into the wall. The head tilted up to show fierce gold eyes glaring at him. "What the hell do you think you are doing bastard!" Edward Elric shouted punching the man with his flesh fist, though it knocked the man to the ground. "Answer me damn it!"

"F-Full…metal?!" Roy gasped finally getting a hold of what happened, he glanced at his door seeing it busted in, likely from the boy's automail foot. "What are you…doing here?"

Ed glared at the man lying on the floor in front of him. "Saving your ass apparently" he growled "now answer me or you'll wish you had died!"

"…it…hurts" Roy whimpered, the alcohol was definitely affecting him, sober he never would have whimpered in front of anyone but particularly not Fullmetal.

"So?" Ed asked, rather callously Roy thought.

"…so…I have…nothing…nothing to live for, I don't deserve it, you don't know!" Roy wailed.

"Maybe I don't know what that stupid war was like, and maybe I do have a lot to learn" Ed said in an almost sympathetic tone kneeling down next to Roy. "But I do know… how it hurts. Hurts so bad that you want to hurt something else just to show how much it hurts. And then…then you realize that the thing you really want to hurt is yourself."

At any other time, under any other circumstances, Roy would have fought tooth and nail against the role reversal going on, He was the adult, Edward was the child, but here Ed was talking to him like it was the other way around. As it stood Roy just sat there looking at the boy who really was only a boy in age.

"Colonel, you are not the only one that knows what it is like to lose someone close to you." Ed said helping Roy to his feet, Roy looked at the boy wondering what other sage words would come from his mouth, when Ed shook his head roughly and resumed glaring at the man, "Bastard, if you are really that weak then next time finish it sooner" he growled stomping out the door and into the night, Roy stood there a long time looking out the broken door. Then he realized that Ed had not answered his question.

Ed walked into HQ the next morning and handed Roy a stack of papers. "What is this Fullmetal?" Roy asked, avoiding bringing up anything from last night, Roy would rather forget that ever happened.

"Resignation papers… I filled them out, you just have to sign them" Ed said sounding tired. Roy looked up surprised at that response; he noticed that the boy looked completely exhausted, and his eyes were red as if he had recently been crying.

"What… are you ok Fullmetal? ... Wait resignation… what about your quest?" Roy had a million questions now.

"There is no point in me being in the military now… and anyway it's too tempting to… never mind just sign the papers please." Ed looked away for most of that answer only looking back for the last plea, with begging eyes.

"No point…what about your brother?"

"…Al's gone…" Ed choked out after a long pause and hiding behind his bangs "…please… I just wanna go home… please" Ed started shaking with silent sobs and Roy was just sitting there stunned.

"…when?" Roy asked standing up and laying a hand on the suffering boy's shoulder.

"…just…just before…I…visited…you last night" Ed choked out and Roy felt like reeling backwards, something that enormous and the boy, he had thought Ed had been fine… had he missed something in his drunken stupor of self pity?!

"Edward, sit down, and tell me everything" Ed sat down on the couch obediently and Roy sat down next to the boy.

"We had gotten a lead… on the homunculi and so I wanted to look into it right away. Al and…argued but he eventually came with me. The lead was false, but we did find an angry group of armed men… anyway they started to attack… there really wasn't anything we could do, we had to fight them." Ed said before he started crying again.

"What then, Edward?" Roy prodded gently after a long pause from the teen.

"I was holding my own… and had found an opening that we could escape from… I ran through but then… they must have had a hidden sniper…I heard Al… shout my name, then he jumped… I heard a gun… he knocked me out of the way…" Ed was shaking badly and had to pause again. "It was meant to hit me… I should have died!" Ed shouted throwing his head back and succumbing to the overwhelming grief he was feeling. Roy could piece together the rest. Al had knocked Ed out of harms way, but his blood seal had been destroyed somehow, whether it was a metal piercing bullet, or it had somehow made its way into the armor and scratched the blood seal or some other way did not really matter. Roy pulled the boy close to him trying to offer comfort, and slowly Ed regained control of himself for the most part.

"But then, when I saw you, you seemed fine" Roy said not knowing how to phrase the question, but needing it answered.

"I… I wanted…" Ed stammered slowly after a pause "wanted a father…to hold me" tears were back in his eyes but he was self-conscious enough to wipe them roughly away "you must think I'm such a weak little kid" he muttered.

Now Roy really felt awful, the kid had come to him, god knows why, for some human contact and he had just piled more on the kid. And wasn't he the one always reprimanding the kid about not coming to him, saying that the kid could count on him, but in his time of need Roy had likely only made it worse.

"The door was locked, but I could see lights, and hear you so I knew you were in… I knocked but you didn't come…I thought you were just ignoring me…so I kicked in the door" Ed muttered more to himself than to anyone else. He spoke as if he had to say it, that now that he was vulnerable he had to get it all out or he never would, Roy flinched slightly hearing the dead tone from his, usually, liveliest subordinate. "then I saw you… with that gun to your head…I shouted at you…but you must not have heard…then I saw your finger move to the trigger, I… had to stop you…I…couldn't lose anyone…else"

"Edward…"

"Just sign the damn papers…I just wanna go home…" Ed said not looking up.

"Edward… are you going to be alright?" Roy asked, if he had felt like killing himself, then what must this boy who had gone through hell several times over be feeling like, Ed had saved him last night, he would be damned if he didn't try to return the favor.

"…you mean am I planning to take the coward's way out…" Ed looked up at him smirking slightly in a self-loathing kind of way. "No, that's why I have to get out of the military… too tempting to just screw up a mission or if there's a war, all to tempting to find a loophole." Ed said looking back at the floor, "I'm… going back to Reismbool…"

"Are you sure?" Roy asked, still concerned, but he did see why the boy wanted out of the military, if he really did want to live that is, which Roy was still suspicious.

"…I failed Al too much already… I promised that we would bring mom back… I promised that everything would be fine…I promised that I'd…get…his body…back… I failed him in all those promises… but… after…after Scar…that first time… when he…almost…killed me… Al made me promise, and I him… that no matter what… if one of us died… then… one, we wouldn't… try to bring them back… and two, that… we would try to live… in their memory… if nothing else…" Ed said slowly. "…I can't… I want to… but I can't… at least… at least his… older brother…won't be a… complete…failure…" Ed said his tone getting softer and more tear-strained with each word until it was just a faint high squeak that Roy could just make out.

Roy looked sympathetically at the boy, it really was not fair, the teen was only fifteen, yet he had already suffered enough to make most of the strongest people Roy knew go off the edge, but here, here Ed was. A broken spirit, a lost kid, a suffering human, but still with endless devotion that he would suffer for eternity if he thought that that would make his brother happy, that he would continue the infinitely harder task of living after being beaten down so hard and being left nearly alone in the world for the second time in his life already. Many a strong man would have killed themselves if they had been through half of what that young child had gone thorough in 50 years, and here the boy had it all condensed into fifteen, and 50 seemed like an eternity of pain away. Roy thought to himself that he really never would be half as strong or brave as that young blond, sitting silently on his sofa, he had his share of hardships, and many of the solders that had been in that awful war had killed themselves, Roy was not exactly weak, but compared to Edward he looked infantile.

Roy looked over the papers that Ed had filled out, they were all in order, and as soon as Roy put his signature the kid would official be free from the military. Roy looked at that blank signature line for a second, and then signed it, feeling as he did so like he was losing a son, but to keep the boy tied to him, that would be unspeakably cruel, the kid had a family, not biological, but they knew him, and loved him as if he were related to them, Roy had no right to hold on to the boy that somewhere along the line had been unofficially adopted in Roy's mind as a son. Maybe it was the fact that while the boy was part of the military Roy was not only his superior, and there by responsible for him, but as Edward was still a minor, Roy was his legal guardian that had spawned that feeling of fatherhood in him.

"It's done Edward, you are now no longer Fullmetal" Roy said walking over to the kid, "but I need your watch."

Ed didn't look up at the man; he simply shifted slightly so he could dig the silver trinket out of his pocket and handed it over. "Thanks… I guess… I should leave now huh?" Ed said softly.

"leave when you feel like it, I don't mind, anyway I have one request, before you go you should say goodbye to everyone, they will miss you, you don't have to explain why I'll do that, just say goodbye… and you know, if you ever want to visit, you know where we live." Roy said hoping that the kid wouldn't think he was being too pushy, but the office would never be the same without him.

"'kay…" Ed said "…mind if I take a nap here" Ed looked at him to see the answer "…I didn't…sleep well…last…night"

"Be my guest, night Edward" Roy said trying to smile to reassure the kid. Ed nodded looking a little grateful and curled up on the couch soon falling asleep. Roy looked at Edward a moment before going over to him and laying his military jacket as a blanket over the boy. Then he left the room closing the door so the kid could have some privacy and called his team together.

"What's the deal Boss?" Havoc asked seeing how serous Roy looked.

"Edward just resigned…" Roy said pausing to hold up a hand to keep the questions he had been expecting down "… last night Alphonse died, Edward has decided to go back to his hometown. Right now he is sleeping, I told him to say goodbye before leaving, and I just want you all to be prepared, I will fill you in on the rest later." Roy said. His team nodded fully understanding and went back to work. Roy reentered his office and checked on Edward, his face was scrunched up, and he was whimpering softly to himself, Roy stroked the boy gently trying to offer the comfort the boy had wanted to ask for last night now, and slowly the boy relaxed into a more peaceful slumber again. Roy smiled a sad smile to himself and went to get back to work when Edward mumbled something that stopped him.

"….mmmmdad…….love you……."

"love you too kid" Roy whispered "sleep well…Ed" Roy went back to his desk and started work looking up every now and again to be sure the boy was free from nightmares.

Three hours later Ed woke up looking around the office slowly, and then at the jacket covering him. Ed sat up and looked over at Roy who looked up to see Ed moving.

"Why…" Ed asked.

"You looked cold, just because you are not part of my team, doesn't mean I am just going to forget you exist."

"…didn't need to" Ed mumbled looking away as he handed back the blue jacket. "I guess I should catch that train home" Ed said.

"Goodbye then"

"Yeah… you too" Ed said. He turned and walked out of the office and Roy faintly heard his team wishing Ed well, and safe travels. And just like that Edward Elric was gone; the whole office seemed gloomier, quieter, and much deader than it had since the young alchemist had joined their ranks.


	2. AN

**Hey there, well I have decided to write a companion piece to this story, but I have no idea when it will be coming anymore but I want to explain some things.**

**First: I am making a companion that could stand alone but I wrote with this situation in mind, I am not making this a chapter fic nor am I saying that it is a definite continuation because I feel that would be disloyal to the story and as much as I love the readers and the reviews I am loyal to the story first and foremost. **

**I say that because this is an emotional story, a very sad one at that. I am the kind of person that has to type my stories in relative privacy not because I am paranoid someone will try to steal my ideas or read over my shoulder but because I am the kind of person who regularly voices the characters out loud, complete with tones, even accents and volume usually, I would be committed in a heartbeat if anyone saw. I also even go so far as to act out the story sometimes, as far as I can of course, I can't count the times I have had someone walk in on me catching me screaming and flailing about… now with that said I am not the type of person that cries much, either with things in my life nor with shows or stories, I can feel emotions that the author tries to convey, I just don't cry much. However I cried typing this story, I know it sounds self serving and egotistical but something in it just cause the tears to come, I don't know why. **

**Anyway with that in mind this story is one of those that had made it to my personal favorites, and though I really want to make Ed feel better and not leave him like that, and I would love more Parental interaction with Roy as well, I feel making new chapters or calling the companion a continuation would detract from the emotional power this story holds, that is why the companion will be able to stand alone and is called such.**

**Second: I have no idea what it will be called, though I will put "companion to the Hardest Task" in the description. I have no idea about the title or the time it will begin to show up due to one major factor and for once it is not time constraints though by the time I resolve this issue it likely will.**

**The reason is that I have had several false starts, I have a basic idea of what will occur but only the most general of ideas that could barely be called a skeleton for a story, it is hardly a draft of a skeleton,**

**I KNOW that it will have Roy and Ed meet up and there will be more parental interaction. I know that Ed will be changed and likely still rather depressed at least to start with, but not fall to self mutilation, at least not intentionally some ideas involve him sometimes forgetting to eat or sleep. Ed has gotten out of Reisembool due to bittersweet memories driving him nuts and causing him to fear that he won't be able to keep that last promise. And it has been sometime later, roughly six months to a year and half. That is about it.**

**I keep having false starts because I start typing and get usually a chapter or so then a new idea to start takes hold and I scrap what I had and type that and so on and so forth.**

**So far I have started several ways:**

**The first one was Ed is traveling with Winry as she goes to get automail parts from Rush Valley and they get waylaid in Central somehow, never figured it out that far.**

**The second was Roy was traveling back from a mission since Ed isn't there to send off all the time and has to spend the night in a small town and the inn is full, but is told the person who got the last room is in a room with two beds and is alone and maybe the person would be willing to share for a half refund with Roy paying the other half of the room. The person turns out to be Ed and of course he lets Roy stay and they get to talking. Ed had been traveling around living off favors or odd jobs here and there or using alchemy to earn a stay, meal, or train ticket.**

**Third was that Roy is sent on a mission to find a "mysterious Alchemist" that has been reported appearing randomly and the military wants that talent. Roy finds the alchemist that turns out to be Ed.**

**There are other ideas that are half formed so as you can see until I figure out more I really am hard pressed to write it, I don't feel like writing several potential ways it works out in a series of interchangeable companions. **

**All these problems likely originate in my way of writing just from my head following stream of consciousness with rarely anymore than a vague idea of where it is going, letting it flow as it will and editing it afterward usually only minor at that, this story in fact was written because I had nothing else to do and a word document up, I had only the idea of a parental story between Roy and Ed since in any form I love interaction between those two whether in love, parental, brotherly, or simply as a comparative study they are both interesting characters to me. I had no idea beyond that, and well I ended up with a rare diamond from that premise I feel.**

**It is on my mind though, but so are half a dozen other stories, so sorry for the wait and false promises. That is most of I want to say, PM me if you have any comments or even potential ideas whether how I could flesh out the skeleton a bit so I could decide on one start and work from there, or a vote for one of the above starts or even your own idea of a start. Nothing is solid at all yet as you can likely tell. **

**Thank you all for the patience and understanding.**

**~WildWyvern**


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